Couples counselling

EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) is - proven - the most effective form of couples counselling. With EFT, 70-75% of relationships get back on track. Research shows that EFT gives long term result. The perceived lasting effects of EFT have been extensively described (see also the literature overview EFT Netherlands).

It happens to many of us. Work overload, getting kids, you cannot seem to find any time for each other anymore. It feels like you are on autopilot and it's like you're not in charge of your own life anymore. You and your partner have friction over the smallest things. Intimacy declines, you or your partner may even fall in love with someone else and sometimes you find it hard to trust each other. You wish you could go back to the days where everything felt easy and natural. 

Slowly, a negative interactive pattern arises. Due to irritation and reproaches, you and your partner feel opposed to each other and the distance between you grows bigger and bigger. At a certain point you ask yourself: what happened? Where did our love go? Is this what we wanted? How do we move forward?


Love feels like a warm connection when things are going well, but a relationship can feel lonely and cold with the absent of that connection. When stress mounts, you are less likely to see and understand each other. At that stage you may react short-tempered and angry. Desires and needs are no longer expressed. You feel misunderstood, so you pull back, withdraw. You no longer know what to say or do and how to respond. In short, you lose the feeling of a secure connection.

How do you keep getting stuck in the same negative patterns? That is what EFT is about; gathering insight in how you keep getting stuck in the same way and how to break it together. It is not about soothing contradictions or temporary de-escalation, because that only helps on a short-term base. It is about using the insights gained - step by step - to build a new safe foundation. From that base, in three steps, you will work to regain the connection, remembering the fun of the past and who knows, even find the spark that used to exist between you.

The 3 steps

- Recognize and break patterns;
- Vocalize and acknowledge fears and needs;
- Future prospects and relapse prevention.

Working method

Lonneke describes her working method as follows: ''I would summarise my working method through the key terms respectful, effective, and realistic. Characteristic of my working method is a personal, motivating approach, which I combine with solid professional knowledge. Of course, there is room for sadness, but also for laughter whenever possible. As a result, people soon feel at ease with me''.

The trajectory is as short as possible and as long as necessary. If you come for a relationship "maintenance"
then usually, 1-3 sessions are enough. If there are serious problems, more sessions are needed. After the first session, we decide on a plan and after 5 sessions we evaluate the progress and determine how to continue.

As a team, we work in a solution-oriented and insightful way, so the problems quickly "unravel".

Lonneke's qualifications as an EFT therapist

Everyone may call themselves a couples counsellor. However, coaching partners requires solid experience and specialized training. Lonneke has invested a lot of time and enthusiasm in becoming such a counsellor. She thus achieved a higher qualification in this area (the Dutch training ‘Aanvullend getrainde EFT Registertherapeut’). Her background as a health psychologist and coach are a definite plus in all of this.

Couples counselling is not covered by insurance. Therefore, the costs will directly be charged to our clients. There is a 21% VAT rate on the tariff of € 175,00 per 60 minutes.

Het was emotioneel en bijzonder: een moment zonder ruzie, ik durfde te zeggen: Houd me vast, ik heb je nodig!

Daan en Mirthe

Daar gaan we weer… alsmaar diezelfde ruzie’ ‘Wat deze vorm van relatietherapie voor mij zo onderscheidend maakt is de focus op het interactiepatroon tussen mij en mijn partner.

L & M